By Mo Macsai-Goren
Working long hours behind a cash register or stocking produce can have a detrimental effect on your sex life, there’s no denying it.
Who can blame you for wanting to go right to sleep after eleven straight hours of being on your feet and dealing with the petty complaints of everyone who’s never worked in the service industry and doesn’t see you as the living, breathing, fucking human being that you are.
Too tired to get in the mood? Have you and your partner(s) experiment with a little bit of dirty talk.
Used as a method for spicing things up in the bedroom for countless people all around the world, dirty talk can be a fun and sexy way to wash away the memories of polishing silverware and pretending to care that Susanne’s chicken was underdone.
While dirty talk can be an excellent way to initiate a sensual evening, it can be hard to fully shift your attention to verbal foreplay after an exhausting double shift.
In order to avoid accidentally shifting into your customer service and forcing both you and your partner to imagine your lovemaking taking place at a regional fast-casual restaurant chain, here are three tips to ensure your dirty talk is as sexy and service-voice free:
Avoid listing off the evening’s specials to your partner before anything physical has happened
While it might be fun and sexy to surprise them with something new and exciting, try not to read the daily specials and everything they entail from a tiny notepad right as the two of you sit down. Your partner will inevitably say “oh, that sounds good” and go on to get the usual.
Remember that you care about this person, unlike everyone you have ever served at your job
Your partner is not some mouth-breathing patron expecting you to go out of your way to remake the dish they just ate most of. They care about you and will most likely not send anything back.
Avoid commenting on your partners lack of non-slip footwear
While non-slip shoes are an essential part of fast service and this, succeeding in the industry, they do not make for a sexy evening at home. Trade those bulky croc-like monstrosities in for something you know your partner will love, like fuzzy socks or those shoes that have toes.
These tips should have you forgetting about your customer service-related job and loving every intimate moment with your partner. Try them tonight!