By Mo Macsai-Goren

SYDNEY – Shedding light onto the recent Australian economic boom, the Australian Chamber of Commerce has recognized the boomerang as this year’s most profitable export and immediate import. At the end-of-year Gala on Saturday night, Chamber spokesman Edward Plimps explained just how the carved wooden tool transitioned from a symbol of national identity to the most influential catalyst for Australian economic growth.

“The boomerang is an incredible tool,” Plimps said. “As soon as we send an order off to an overseas vendor, it comes right back. Since the sale has already transpired, we keep the merchandise and the profit! It’s foolproof.” Pimps went on to estimate that nearly nine billion dollars have been recirculated into the Australian economy as a result of this fraudulent sales scheme.

When asked if the Chamber of Commerce had any plans to recognize any Aboriginal people, the inventors of the boomerang, for the country’s newfound economic prowess, Plimps was befuddled.

“Aboriginal people want equal recognition for this?” he said. “Oh, heavens no. This is Australia.”

The Australian Chamber of Commerce has yet to release a statement on the matter.