Drum Circle More Like Drum Ellipse

By David Colton

CHURCH LOUNGE — Ever since Dex, the hip new youth pastor, joined our church, there has been talk of re-vamping the “Activities & Fun” branch of the church budget.

He started an adult Fortnite league, founded the daytime card players’ society and has successfully convinced three elderly church members to leave without making them feel bad.

None of that has been as controversial as “Dex’s Drum Circle.”

The group of non-percussionists meets three times per week in the church house lounge.

“Sometimes our circle fluctuates and changes shape a bit, to include new members and types of drums” said Dex, a youth pastor with spiked-up hair and a likely background in assistant high school football coaching. “We generally try to stay away from anything that changes or is different in any way.”

Asked whether he thinks he should instead embrace the changing world and all of its variabilities, Dex flipped us off from his car and drove away.

According to sources familiar with the weekly drum circle, if even one chair appears slightly out of position, Dex the youth pastor makes everyone leave building with their drum and chair and come back in. He calls it a “Redux.”

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