by Garrett Dvorkin
COLUMBIA– It is a sad day for central Missouri. Coach Barry Odom announced earlier today that the Mizzou football team will be moving to LA for the next football season. This is a sort of Deja Vu for many Missouri residents who saw their beloved Rams leave for Los Angeles two years ago.
Mizzou will join USC playing their home games at the LA Colosseum. Even though it doesn’t make sense logistically, it was the only stadium where they could dump the Tigers. Mizzou will play their home games at the Colosseum until their new $3billion stadium is completed in some LA ghetto. UM system’s president Mun Choi expounded why the University of Missouri decided to move saying,
“This team can’t continue to survive in Central Missouri. This is going to be great for our program and our fans will learn to love this move. Sure USC and UCLA are already there, but look at the Chargers, there is a long history of unnecessary relocations to LA that we are very proud to be apart of.”
Although there are very few Mizzou fans in Los Angeles, Odom didn’t think that this would be a problem. “LA fans are used to being forced to root for a team that decided randomly to relocate there. We believe that if we can become trendy enough we have a shot to compete here.”
Stan Kroenke was ecstatic about the recent news. Kroenke who moved the Rams to La only a few years ago was happy that Missouri lost another program saying, “Yeah it really hurt those St.Louis pussies when I took their NFL team from them. Now they are losing their college football team too? Thats just a dream come true.”