Johnson & Johnson Announce Addition of Coveted Third Johnson

By Mo Macsai-Goren

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Squashing rumors that their days of innovative thinking are over, a spokesperson for Johnson & Johnson has announced that the family company will be phasing in a third Johnson in 2020.

Expected to boost baby shampoo sales and literally nothing else, the addition of a third Johnson comes at a pivotal time for Johnson & Johnson. After last year’s disastrous baby powder sales numbers, CEO Johnson Johnson searched for a much-needed change.

“At first we thought about getting rid of a Johnson,” Johnson told Gatekeeper reporters. “Ultimately, we decided to add a third Johnson in an effort to boost sales. Will it work? Who knows, but I’m willing to bet people will love a third Johnson in their lives.”

At this time, Johnson has not ruled out the possibility of adding yet another Johnson to the signature red Johnson & Johnson & Johnson logo in the future.

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