The Next J.K.? George R.R. Martin Reveals Middle Initials Stand for ‘Ronald Reagan’

By Mo Macsai-Goren

SANTA FE – Shocking lifelong “Game of Thrones” fans and geriatric conservatives around the country, beloved author George R.R. Martin has revealed that the mystifying two R’s in the middle of his name do, in fact, stand for “Ronald Reagan.”

The A Song of Ice and Fire author and 19th-century steam locomotive conductor decided to break the silence surrounding his evasive middle initials in an effort to generate more media coverage for tonight’s premiere of the eighth and final season.

“I wanted people to know the real me,” Martin said. “This new season is chock-full of hints. Tyrion Lannister survives an assassination attempt from a guy trying to impress Jodie Foster and Jon Snow declares a war on drugs in King’s Landing.”

Martin admitted that although working Jodie Foster into the Westeros mythos was difficult at times, it was worth it to pay homage to his namesake.

Tonight’s premiere is expected to be HBO’s most viewed episode in history. Renaissance Faires and Gamestop locations around the country are closing their doors for the premiere given that every employee of both has called in sick today.

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