By David Colton
BEIGE HORIZON HOMES FOR THE WEAK AND OLD — Ugh! Why does he always have to make these things about him?!
These were the sentiments reflected by the three adolescents of the Delby family, who were forced to miss yet another season premiere of the hit HBO show for what their parents referred to as “Grandpa Eugene’s last stand.”
“Last time this happened, we boycotted the wake” said Tanner Delby, a self-described liberal until he enters the realm of Westeros, “I’m not missing the first episode in 19 months to watch Grandpa Eugene pretend he knows where he is.”
The last time this happened, the Delby parents attempted to recruit their adolescent children to see their great aunt one last time.
“In April 2012, we were all ready for the season 2 premiere, but then Great Aunt Penelope had a fall in the hot tub and we all had to turn off our phones for like, three hours,” said Devin Delby, who added that “the old hag wasn’t even that hurt.”
The children added that they are looking forward to the new season of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale,’ which is currently slated for the same day as father’s go-kart party.