Forever Yogurt Nevermore

By Barney Yorken-Gurter

BOSTON – Eons ago, my father Bertram Yorken-Gurter scraped together enough of his savings to open the first frozen yogurt stand the world had ever seen. Through sheer gumption, Poppa built that humble stand into the dessert empire we now know as Forever Yogurt.

Today, the world mourns as the final living semblance of his existence shutters its doors. It is with a heavy heart that I announce the closing of the Forever Yogurt on the corner of Jackson and Main in Beacon Hill.

Despite there being over 2,400 Forever Yogurt locations across the country, Poppa always loved the Beacon Hill location. It was where he proposed to Grammy in 1932 and where I was born 4 years later. I’ll never forget looking through photo albums with Pop and seeing the doctor weigh me on the cash register scale and take my handprint in butterscotch topping.

I spoke with some of my poppa’s first customers in an effort to understand the sorrow this whole nation is currently undertaking. The first person I found was an old Zeppelin insurance salesman who sold Pop his first Zepp.

“I remember when my pappy took me to try the inital 30 toppings they released in conjunction with the first few flavors,” Lerman Trunks, 98, told me. “I couldn’t decide for the life of me between Lead Paint and Cocaine.”

Well, Lerman, neither could my Poppy. In all his years concocting silky smooth dairy product, he never departed from the original two flavors — which he conceived high out of his mind in his lead-lined workshop.

In the end, it was the Asbestos that got him. And the lead paint. And the cocaine. You know, now that I’m thinking about it, he sure seemed to drink a lot of paint thinner for a guy who never painted a day in his life. Regardless, we’ll miss you, Pop. Almost as much as the Forever Yogurt on the corner of Jackson and Main.

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