Final Group Project Allows You to Kill Off One Team Member

By David Colton

COLUMBIA, MO — As classes wind down and work gets pushed off, many students wrapping up their time at college find themselves missing something.

The wait is finally over.

According section 3, article 2 of the recently enacted ‘murder omnibus’ bill, “Students may exert homicidal privilege over one (1) group member if they feel they deserve it.”

This comes at a time when Kyle still hasn’t even fucking asked for the link to the google doc that has all of the group work saved on there.

Although it is unclear whether your other team members are as keen on ending Kyle’s life as you are, I think you have enough motivation to go around.

He doesn’t even spend the time to come up with a good excuse. And he always backs out of meetings five minutes before.

Just last week, we were scheduled to meet and finalize our Prezi, and Kyle said he “Would come over as soon as the game is over”

WHAT FUCKING GAME, KYLE?

The new law gives team members the option to allow the homicidee to choose the way they’d like to go out, but Kyle doesn’t really deserve that.

Gather the hounds.

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