Close-Knit Community Rallies Behind Newly Single MILF

By Ronnie Guggs

WINNETKA, IL — Supporters lined the streets of downtown Sunday as the community held its first rally in support of Isabella street’s hottest, loneliest new resident.

Most people knew Cheryl Thurtis as Trevor’s stepmom. Cheryl is a great stepmom, the type that let you have ice cream as an after-school snack —and, she’s totally hot.

But now, word on the street is that Trevor’s dad, Burke, slept with his receptionist again, and the Thurtis family is splitting up for good.

“I don’t know if the community would be so ready to reach out and help if she wasn’t so hot,” next door neighbor Leanne Hinkins said. “She’s like, Stacy’s Mom hot.”

Apparently, the tight-knit community doesn’t often find things to agree on, let alone to this extent.

Cheryl said she feels like a regular Ginger Rogers. Although most of the area’s teenage boys don’t know who that is, several of them confirmed that this comparison was “for sure correct” and “super hot.”

“I just didn’t think our little family-oriented community could come together over something this important,” said Herman Drope, local taxidermist, “we couldn’t even get anyone to vote in the 2018 midterms.”