By David Colton

ST. JUDAS METHODIST CHURCH — Despite specific instructions from Reverend Dipple to keep those peepers squeezed shut during our time alone with the lord, local rascal Tommy Potts sneaked a glance across the prayer group Wednesday afternoon.

What he saw changed his perception of church forever.

Tommy’s mom always told him to stay away from that Bobby Tuggins, but today she was focused on the lord.

“We had our eyes closed and Dipple was spewing about dang Corinthians for the third time this month,” said Tommy Potts, who rides without a helmet, “I just couldn’t help but take a peek!”

To his surprise, when he opened his eyes, he saw little Bobby Tuggins giving him the exact same look.

“Yeah, I had no idea I was gonna see Tommy Potts,” said Tuggins, who has received detention before, “I just heard Dipple fall back on Corinthians again and I had to open my eyes.”

It was confirmed in a post-sermon coffee hour conversation between the two boys’ mothers that both hooligans will be attending church camp this summer.

This puts them at odds when it comes time to graduate college, which they are both set to do this month.

“I hope Tuggins knows that I don’t play around when it comes to this,” said Tommy Potts, pulling out and actually lighting a candy cigarette, “I’m the king of comedy, baby.”

Bobby Tuggins seems to think otherwise.

“Is that what he said? Oh, it is on. This bastard has taken the part of shepherd in the Christmas pageant one year too many. I hope he’s ready to get shat on by the angel Tuggins.”