By Grace Bahler

ST. LOUIS—After watching Notting Hill last Thursday night, local man Dennis Arcado has spilled coffee on approximately 23 women in hopes of a meet-cute.

When Arcado saw how well this worked for Hugh Grant, he first considered trying a British accent—until he realized he could support local coffee shops in the process.

All he wanted was someone to realize they enjoy scalding hot coffee on their skin and that he could be the love of their life. However, women in the area have reported how Arcado’s plan disastrously panned out.

“I was waiting for the bus,” Lauren Pecoe, area woman said. “All of the sudden, this man comes up to me, stares at me for a few seconds, and then just tosses his coffee onto me.”

Pecoe later stated that had Arcado poured the coffee more tastefully, she might have considered giving him her number.

“It was just so awkward,” Pecoe said. “Like, if you’re gonna pour coffee on me and make me fall in love with you, make it look natural. The way Dennis did it, he didn’t stand a chance.”

Another woman, Jenny Wells, simply didn’t think St. Louis was the right place for him to pull such a move.

“Maybe it would fly if this was New York or something,” Wells said. “Or London. Oh
yeah, if he had, like, a British accent. Maybe then.”

At this time, Arcado has not given up on love, but he is banned from any cafe within a 25-mile radius of the city.