By David Colton

KENILWORTH — Nobody was expecting transcendence. Nobody’s expectations were high at all, really.

And yet, somehow, Andrew let us all down anyway.

Art-major-at-a-state-school-turned-starving-artist-in-his-parents’-mansion Andrew Dimby told his friends long before his debut exhibition that his works would be sure to “call back some of the basic fundamentals of brushstroke literature.”

Although no one in the friend group bothered to question this, it didn’t take long for them to realize what they had done once they arrived at his house.

“I was really, really hoping all of his stuff was going to end up being abstract,” said Rachel Termin, Andrew’s friend. “When he told me most of the works were ‘contemplative reissues of modernist classics,’ I knew we were all fucked.”

According to Andrew’s personal website, there was no food or drink being served at the showing — which took place in his parents’ massive basement — and no outside snacks were allowed in.

“I really just find it so much harder to fully absorb and appreciate the full breadth of my work while under the influence of anything, be it food or drink,” said Andrew, who bought a scarf specifically for tonight.