Tag: show

Man Leaves Concert Early to Buy $85 Sweatshirt

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By David Colton

CULVER’S CENTER — After weeks of anticipation, Kev and the boys were thrilled to finally have the chance to get plastered in a non-basement setting.

Thursday night saw this year’s second installation of the tri-annual Foreigner Concert Experience at the freshly erected Culver’s Center in Gary, Indiana.

Kev and the boys (Trey, Troy, Nick and TJ) attend at least two of the three Foreigner concerts at Gary’s Culver’s Center per year, according to a dresser drawer full of ticket stubs.

Each year, the gentlemen commemorate their trip with two celebratory torso garments. The first are custom-made with white t-shirts and airbrush paint, while the second are traditionally merchandise items purchased at the concert itself.

This year, Foreigner hired a 34-year-old wearing a floppy hat to design the sweatshirts, and Kev and the boys simply could not resist.

The “loved and broken”-style sweatshirt is a reimagining of the band’s hit sweatshirt from the 1996 “Foreigner Takes Canada” tour.

“I figured, we leave as soon as they start playing ‘Dirty White Boy,’ there will be zero line at the merch stand,” said Kev, leader of Kev and the boys, “Plus, by leaving 25 minutes after the set starts, we can avoid traffic.”

With this foolproof plan, K and the B’s say they have reached the pinnacle of streamlined concert attending.

Friend’s Painting Bad

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By David Colton

KENILWORTH — Nobody was expecting transcendence. Nobody’s expectations were high at all, really.

And yet, somehow, Andrew let us all down anyway.

Art-major-at-a-state-school-turned-starving-artist-in-his-parents’-mansion Andrew Dimby told his friends long before his debut exhibition that his works would be sure to “call back some of the basic fundamentals of brushstroke literature.”

Although no one in the friend group bothered to question this, it didn’t take long for them to realize what they had done once they arrived at his house.

“I was really, really hoping all of his stuff was going to end up being abstract,” said Rachel Termin, Andrew’s friend. “When he told me most of the works were ‘contemplative reissues of modernist classics,’ I knew we were all fucked.”

According to Andrew’s personal website, there was no food or drink being served at the showing — which took place in his parents’ massive basement — and no outside snacks were allowed in.

“I really just find it so much harder to fully absorb and appreciate the full breadth of my work while under the influence of anything, be it food or drink,” said Andrew, who bought a scarf specifically for tonight.