By David Colton
WINNETKA, IL — When Monica DeViscous received an invitation in the mail for her son Gio to be invited to his first birthday party, she knew he would have a hard time.
Gio is the new kid at Warren Elementary, and Timmy Squints is well-known as the coolest boy in the fifth grade.
Timmy is known in particular for his annual “Splash Party,” a birthday celebration for the most elite kids in the North Shore area.
Timmy said he knew he was taking a big risk by inviting the new kid in town, Gio.
“My mom made me invite that weird loser,” said Timmy, who will grow up to be just horrible, “He showed up to the first day of school with a ‘Lightning McQueen’ lunchbox, and every like, dude, everyone knows ‘Planes’ was the best part of that series.”
Apparently, Gio was aware of both the fact that Timmy didn’t want him there and that the historic event was a pool party.
It was his mother, Monica DeViscous, who pressured little Gio to bring his soccer spikes “just in case”
“It was weird, because he like showed up 45 minutes early but also didn’t have a swimsuit,” said Timmy Squints, party host and semi-professional air soft warrior. “It was like he was planning on gradually shifting the party into the wet grass.”
Gio was eventually the last kid at the party, and the only one who neglected to adhere to the Splash Bash’s strict water-gifts-only guidelines.