Man Leaves Debit Card at Bar for Narrative Reasons

By David Colton

HELL’S KITCHEN — Kyle Costello wanted to make sure that his coworkers knew that he had a crazy weekend.

According to his recounting of the weekend, which apparently began at 6:30 p.m. on Friday and continued nonstop until he ‘passed out’ Sunday, Kyle was interested in drinking alcoholic beverages as a means of unwinding after a stressful week.

Although a common feat among working humans, post-work drinking can sometimes bring out the worst in people — especially people named Kyle.

“I think it was the second shot that did it,” said Kyle, who has not explained why he hasn’t returned to retrieve his card from Rico’s Basement, “Bro, I was so gone — dude, I fucking snapped Kelsey. Kelsey. Can you believe that?!”

It remains unclear who accompanied Kyle on this strange excursion to the worst bar on the face of the earth.

However, The Gatekeeper was able to get in contact with Kelsey, who confirmed that she received Snapchats from Kyle Friday night.

“So yeah, Kyle sent me some shirtless pictures that were obviously taken in a public bathroom,” said Kelsey, who made out with Kyle at a prom afterparty nine years ago, “I thought I recognized the tile from Rico’s Basement. He’s always like, one of four people at that bar.”

Kelsey was able to confirm that generally speaking, none of the patrons at Rico’s really talk to one another.

As of Monday morning, Kyle’s coworkers confirmed that he left the card at the bar in order to have a topic of conversation when he got into work.

“It’s always something with Kyle,” said Terrance Buns, accounting dept. “Last year he signed a ten-year lease on a studio apartment so he could ‘always have someplace to bone.’”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s