By Mo Macsai-Goren
PHOENIX – Squashing rumors that he is wholly illiterate, local Phoenician Travis Evans reassured his close friends that his facts about immigration reform were, in fact, based on a newspaper article he read.
Upon further review, a special Gatekeeper investigation has found that Evans sourced his information from a thirty-second video that appeared on his Facebook feed late Sunday night.
The video in question comes from PolitiCool, a conservative media company that attempt to keep its viewers up to date with American politics via short social media videos set to elevator music.
Despite Evans’ assertions that his information came directly from “either The New York Times or Wall Street Journal,” all of his factual information was sourced from extra large subtitles slowly superimposed over the PolitiCool video. It should be noted that some words in these subtitles arbitrarily bolded.
At this time, investigators are unsure if Evans even listened to the audio.