By David Colton
LEXINGTON, KY — Depending on who you ask, there are a multitude of different ways little Johnny Plunkett could have ended up crumpled and wailing in a ball on the woodchips.
In the eyes of little Johnny, only one thing is certain: If he tells mom and dad, he’s toast.
“He said he wanted to go on the swings, so I gave him a big push like he asked for,” said Tyler, Johnny’s older brother and record holder for girls kissed in the seventh grade.
“If he wants to cry and be a wuss about it, he won’t learn what it means to be a true man.”
According to nearby playground patrons, Johnny flew close to 15 feet in the air after Tyler did one of his notoriously powerful “underdog” pushes.
“He, when he went on the swings, he swinged really high,” said Sally Trunks, local 3-year-old and recent graduate of Pull-Ups academy.
Despite his reluctance to do so, it appears Tyler will inform authorities that Johnny swinged too high, and now his leg has a woodchip in it.
Tyler’s parents were unavailable for comment after information became public suggesting they were filming the whole thing and jeering little Johnny when he “totally ate shit.”
“That little dweeb sure can fly,” said Dex, the boys’ father and owner of the West Eastern Dojo.
“Once that woodchip sinks in, his transformation into a wood nymph will officially have begun, and he will begin the spell-casting process.”