By David Colton

ROSE MUSIC HALL – Sources this week confirmed that one guy you saw at the Joy Division cover band’s show has little to no feeling in his legs, and is unopposed to wearing jeans outside in mid-August.

The man, whose man-bun and beard are both clear indicators of someone who still listens to Hozier, had a few choice words about the allegations:

“Nah, man, jeans? Do they still make those?” said the guy, taking drags of 3 different blends of American Spirits at the same time, “Oh, you’re talking about these privileged leg wraps? No, these aren’t denim.”

The man, who lost all feeling in his legs after a run-in with a typewriter (for some reason) says he doesn’t like to discriminate against “leg wraps.”

“Yeah, at this point, I don’t really like to hate on any one kind of leg wrap, just because there are so many,” explains the guy, “You’ve got everything from beige half-legs to waist-high socks, or a personal favorite of mine, the tunic.”

After declining to explain his comments on the nature of his coffee-shop-junkie look several times, the guy was spotted in the front row at the opener for the opener for Neutral Milk Hotel, and yes, he was wearing jeans.