By David Colton
DOG CITY HALL — Last night, canine voters in the dog city cast crucial votes in a runoff special election to determine who will be the next top law enforcement officer in the county.
The election was heated until the very last moments of Thursday night’s debate, when former Dog City Councilman Snoops the Basset hound pointedly attacked his competitor, Holden the Golden Retreiver.
The following is a direct quote from one of last night’s most crucial moments:
“Bark bark bark (My friend, colleague and competitor Dr. Retriever); bark, bark (Has fundamentally misrepresented his interests and goals); Bark, bark bark (to the good citizens of Dog City, and dog county at large.) Bark. (Know that when you cast your votes tonight, you have the opportunity to do so in the name of justice. That is all I ask of you. Thank you.)”
With that impassioned speech, Snoops tipped the scales just enough in his favor to gain the terrier vote — the most moderate voting demographic in Dog County.
The following is what the new chief detective’s publicist said about the victory via e-mail:
Fuoiag parg;hgwjrorg apergyap fakriguhi[[arjigkwrkjhj ds
\gu39gk’ WRLGAUInj ahrg;nlgMkiv dskjghhi;gaor;gjnlk.kjq3/jgk.qr
(Once we received exit polling results for the terrier district, we were sure this would be a victory for Mr. Snoops and Dog City at large.)
The Gatekeeper 