By Mo Macsai-Goren
SPRINGFIELD, IL – Mourning the loss of their beloved dog Coco, the Taylor family decided to immortalize their recently-deceased pet Saturday night by changing their Netflix password to “Coco123.”
“We’ll miss Coco dearly,” Jonathan Taylor said. “But at least now we’ll be able to remember her whenever we log into Netflix, or at least until we get around to using the ‘Remember Me’ function.”
Despite the Taylor family’s tragic loss, Coco expressed posthumous excitement to Gatekeeper reporters (via Andrew Iris Yoint, professional canine medium) that she will be able to live on forever in password form.
“Coco is relaying…enthusiasm…” Yoint said through his cacophonous pinky ring ensemble. “She wants you to know how pleased she is with your decision to commemorate her with her very own password until everyone inevitably forgets it and you change it to your address. She also wants you to know that I take credit cards.”
The Taylor family expressed profound gratitude for Yoint’s services and have already begun their search for their next password inspiration down at the local kennel.
By David Colton
DOG CITY HALL — Last night, canine voters in the dog city cast
crucial votes in a runoff special election to determine who will be the next
top law enforcement officer in the county.
The election was heated until the very last moments of
Thursday night’s debate, when former Dog City Councilman Snoops the Basset
hound pointedly attacked his competitor, Holden the Golden Retreiver.
The following is a direct quote from one of last night’s
most crucial moments:
“Bark bark bark (My friend, colleague and competitor Dr.
Retriever); bark, bark (Has fundamentally misrepresented his interests and
goals); Bark, bark bark (to the good citizens of Dog City, and dog county at
large.) Bark. (Know that when you cast your votes tonight, you have the
opportunity to do so in the name of justice. That is all I ask of you. Thank
With that impassioned speech, Snoops tipped the scales just
enough in his favor to gain the terrier vote — the most moderate voting
demographic in Dog County.
The following is what the new chief detective’s publicist
said about the victory via e-mail:
Fuoiag parg;hgwjrorg apergyap
\gu39gk’ WRLGAUInj ahrg;nlgMkiv
(Once we received exit polling results for the terrier district, we were sure this would be a victory for Mr. Snoops and Dog City at large.)