Dead Pet Excited to Live on Forever as Password

By Mo Macsai-Goren

SPRINGFIELD, IL – Mourning the loss of their beloved dog Coco, the Taylor family decided to immortalize their recently-deceased pet Saturday night by changing their Netflix password to “Coco123.”

“We’ll miss Coco dearly,” Jonathan Taylor said. “But at least now we’ll be able to remember her whenever we log into Netflix, or at least until we get around to using the ‘Remember Me’ function.”

Despite the Taylor family’s tragic loss, Coco expressed posthumous excitement to Gatekeeper reporters (via Andrew Iris Yoint, professional canine medium) that she will be able to live on forever in password form.

“Coco is relaying…enthusiasm…” Yoint said through his cacophonous pinky ring ensemble. “She wants you to know how pleased she is with your decision to commemorate her with her very own password until everyone inevitably forgets it and you change it to your address. She also wants you to know that I take credit cards.”

The Taylor family expressed profound gratitude for Yoint’s services and have already begun their search for their next password inspiration down at the local kennel.

BuzzFeed Quiz Reveals You’d Make a Fantastic Serial Killer, Could Even Get a Biopic

By Grace Bahler

CHICAGO—Monday, 2 a.m., you couldn’t sleep. BuzzFeed knew, and it had a great
quiz for you that of course made sense and wasn’t creepy at all: Take This Quiz and
We’ll Reveal What Kind of a Serial Killer You’d Be! Fake Serial Killers WON’T Get Less
Than 6/7!

You went through, question after question, answering things like ‘Do You Like Zac Efron
as Ted Bundy,’ ‘Did You Know Zac Efron Is Ripped,’ and ‘What’s Your Favorite Zac
Efron Movie?’ It was tough, but ultimately, you made it through.

And OMG! You would make such a great serial killer! So cute, right?!

“Congratulations,” your result read. “You would literally be the perfect serial killer. You
are hot, buzzworthy, and easy to romanticize in the media. Years after you end many
people’s lives and devastate their families for life, you’re totally going to get your own
movie! OMG GO YOU!”

You were, like, totally born for this. BuzzFeed quizzes are as accurate as
horoscopes—immensely if you believe them! And BuzzFeed does. In fact, they are so
rooting for you. Expect a package of equipment in the mail to get started ASAP. The
longer your streak, the more material for a biopic, and that’s what the real goal is here.
Who cares about morals or ethics or anything here? Not BuzzFeed! Not you! It’s time
for you to get someone hot to play you in a movie.

Take the next quiz: Who Will Play You in the Movie About You Being a Serial Killer?