Prince Harry Demands UK Ban Fortnite Until He Learns New Map Updates

By David Colton

NAN’S BASEMENT — Finishing a crumb-heavy snack of old Bugles and mayo, Henry Charles Albert David, also known as Prince Harry, had a full-on meltdown over Fortnite.

“Nobody shall be allowed to play until I completely master the v8.20 update,” said Prince Harry, speaking to an empty parlor except for the Queen, “And nobody shall kill me without giving me proper time to react!”

Even Queen Elizabeth II said she can’t believe it’s taking him this long to master Builder Pro.

“This buffoon still doesn’t know how to navigate Tilted Towers,” said the Queen, who has already moved on to ‘Apex Legends,’ “It’s no surprise he wants to stop all of the little kiddies from winning.”

Unfortunately, Prince Harry said, there’s just no way around making everyone quit until he can win.

“I just keep getting murdered by these complete cheaters,” said Harry, who still hasn’t met his daughter since season 8 began.

 “It’s honestly so unfair, and they’re usually a bunch of Rust Lords,” Harry said, referring to a low-level skin that only complete n00bs wear.

It is unclear if he will be present for the birth of his second child at this time.

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