vineyard vines – The Gatekeeper

Fraternal Twins Hazed

April 12, 2019April 12, 2019Posted in LocalTagged bid, brother, brotherhood, drinking, frat, fraternal, Greek life, hazed, hazing, miami, pledge, twins, vineyard vinesLeave a comment

By Mo Macsai-Goren

MIAMI – 20-month-old fraternal twins Brayden and Trayden Cooper amazed partygoers late Saturday night after finishing every single case of warm milk presented to them.

Taking part in a seemingly cruel and archaic hazing ritual, the Cooper twins out-drank every other pledge vying for a coveted spot in the Tau Omega Theta house for the upcoming semester.

“These little dudes are already making me so proud, bruh,” the twins’ father Hayden Cooper said as tears welled up in his eyes. “Cayden already told me he wants to go into finance and Trayden said he plans on gaining fifty pounds in beer weight and sitting in the basement for the next seven years just like his old man.”

Cooper began to cry as he presented his sons with the ceremonial monogrammed Vineyard Vines onesies that have been passed down through every generation since the fraternity’s inception in 1872.

“I’m legally required to say that this fraternity is a non-hazing fraternity,” Cooper said. “These ‘bonding games’ have really bonded us forever. I don’t think I could be their father if they couldn’t chug.”

Cayden and Trayden were unavailable for comment as they are toddlers but seemed excited about their newfound friendships based solely on drinking and salmon-colored shorts.

Supreme Court Announces Collaboration with Bape

April 8, 2019Posted in politicsTagged Bape, collab, collaboration, court, justice, rbg, streetwear, supreme, vineyard vinesLeave a comment

Guy in Vineyard Vines & Sperry’s excited to make transition to Vineyard Vines & Tims

October 16, 2016October 16, 2016Posted in Campus, Local, SocialTagged autumn, douche, sick, vest, vineyard vines, weatherLeave a comment

By David Colton

GREEKTOWN – Early this morning, local Natty Light advocate and all-around savage Geoff Smalls made a decision that could alter the fashion world forever.

This morning, Geoff, whose name originally started with a ‘J’ but he got it changed, took advantage of the changing fall weather.

“It’s honestly dope how weather works,” explains Smalls, “I just love being able to express myself uniquely through what I wear.”

Geoff has made advancements to more than just his footwear though, also purchasing a few basketball jerseys to wear even in the winter.

“Yeah, my frat likes to keep the policy that every party is a jersey party,” explains Geoff, whose long hair somehow always looks wet, “it really ends up working out for us, because we all love sports!”

The shift from Sperry’s to Tims was not just a unique decision, but an informed one. Geoff’s brothers have all followed suit, and some have even started adding little personal touches, such as high white socks and backwards baseball hats.

“We’re really just glad we can express ourselves through what we wear,” said the fourth guy in 5 minutes, “we really feel that fashion is the most unique way of expressing yourself, no matter who you are.”