- Play Checkers
King me, mom and dad!
- Discuss the status of the Thompsons’ Divorce
I hear he’s letting her take the dog. Can you believe that?
- Order Pizza
Get cheese, pepperoni, or even sausage! The possibilities are truly endless.
- Lie about how your classes are going
Your professor hasn’t put any exams put in yet, so the actual grade is higher than it looks.
- Give them an uncomfortable tour of your house
Make sure you forget to move your lotion off of your nightstand.
By David Colton
Here are some super fun ways you can get to know your local police!
1. Think About Alcohol
Don’t even think about sippin’ that silly juice when it comes time for college fun!
2. Be related to someone who is 21
Think you can get away with having relatives who can break the law? Think again!
3. Be a male in a bar
The ratio is always most important. Even to the cops.
4. Try to walk home instead of driving drunk
Thought walking was a safe alternative? Think again!
5. Attempt to enjoy your college experience
No matter what you do, or where you go out, just make sure you’re ready to have your week ruined by a 35-year old man wearing sports sunglasses at night.
By David Colton
ERIC’S STEPDAD’S BASEMENT—In an absolutely unexpected and altogether captivating display of events, the two most underwhelming clubs at Jefferson High met on Wednesday afternoon.
“We really think this decision is for the best,” said Dungeons club president Phillip Wendel, “our guys have been wanting to meet some other people for their entire lives, really.”
The Dungeons club, which is made up of four members, was initially conceived by the mothers of the prestigious club’s four members, who have yet to see the light of day.
The Dragons club, on the other hand, has their own thing going.
“Yeah we usually just sit, drink milk, and discuss dragons,” says Dragons club president Yurt Mooney, “it’s usually pretty lit; that is, lit from the fire of a Chinese Fireball.”
The name “Social Anxiety Club” stems from each of the clubs’ deep-seated love for Percy Jackson & the Olympians fan fiction.
The meeting, which is set to take place around 3:00, is said to “maybe have some snacks, depending on Eric’s mom” and is even rumored to “have like, so much milk.”
I will not be attending this meeting.